Letting Go, Letting Be, and Choosing
February 25, 2021 Letting go, letting be and choosing.
I wake up and I do not want to move. I savior those few early morning moments when my body has rested overnight, and it feels “semi normal”. I do not move. I know that as soon as I move the pain can return. Slowly I manage to get myself to a sitting position from which I can get myself up and walk. Walking became anything from moving my limbs as if they are sticks connected to my trunk, to having those sticks send pain messages to my brain. It is amazing to me that in three days my body moved from a vibrant full of life walking 3 miles a day type, to just about stationary. And in one day, I moved from able to do all the normal chores at home to total dependence. Talking about going through a process of letting go… letting go the anger about the pain, letting go that my morning tea needs to be just so, or my coffee done just the way I like it. Letting go dancing, which gave me so much freedom to express my self and my emotions before. Letting go making my daily juice. Letting go all that walking easily gave me before.
My mind wants to keep going to “how come” and “I wish it were different”, and I know “resistance is futile”, so I let that go too. It is time to practice everything I have ever learned in my life. It is time to practice coming back to present, right here right now. So, I get to my favorite chair, I find a good position and I smile. I look at the ocean out my window, the sun rays playing off the calm seas, I take in the sun and the light and imagine this beautiful light surrounds and penetrates my body, healing all the cells that need healing. I see the little white waves kissing the sand on the beach. The chairs on my balcony where Bruce and myself had so many wonderful meals. The palm trees standing so tall and strong. I smile. I feel blessed. I enjoyed so much in my life. It’s time to accept the new reality, and even “choose it”. It is what it is, and there is no sense fighting. I might as well be happy and enjoy whatever I can enjoy. All those little things we do not pay attention to become a source of joy. Nature, writing, connecting on the phone with dear friends, learning, enjoying the new white beautiful flower that just opened for me this morning. I am learning to take all the blessings in and smile and be grateful. I make a commitment to be joy and grateful. I know there might be moments when I might not be able to keep that. I am committed to do my best.